Tim had to walk past our house to get to his parents place, so he walked with us. Jackie walked in between us and was holding both mine and Tim’s hands. When we got to our gate Jackie kissed Tim on the cheek and bade him goodnight, and Tim said something about not getting invited in for a dance! Oh God I thought - you've just blown it! But astonishingly that was not to be. She said of course he can come in so she can dance the night away with two handsome chaps! Game on! Smoochy music on the CD player. Lights turned down. Fire stoked up (log fire). I fixed some drinks and Jackie and Tim danced. All very innocent - hardly touching each other so I decided to interrupt and dance with my wife. It was almost a re-run of the other occasion. We danced close and I stroked her bum whilst Tim sat in an armchair watching. I tried to lift her dress up and expose her bum but she was having nothing of it - bugger! She let go of me and grabbed Tim out of the chair and started dancing with her. So, the first three years of high school were an absolute horror for me. Feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, fear of rejection, shyness, self loathing--you name it, kept me from ever dating. I had sexual feelings, strong ones, but they were never realized, at least with the opposite sex. I never knew when I was going to be shit on next or when. Talk about feeling castrated. Life was hell.At eighteen on my first day of my senior year, I was depressed and cringing at the thought of still one more year of "cruel and unusual punishment" for the twin crimes of being too damned short in height and worse, having a peewee dick--the shortest damned dong in recent school history.As I said, I didn't have a single date for those first three years of high school--not unless you count my right hand. The problem was as I've also already said, was that my hormones were just as volatile as any other teenager. I vowed that had to change for my final year, if for no other reason, my damned hand was.
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